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The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

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(no subject) [August 6th, 2011 at 09:35 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Story Or Series Title: A Fresh Start
Culprit Author's Name: Kelai.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Danielle, although she prefers to go by "Dani".
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brunette. (It doesn't get mentioned in the story, but rather, in the author's note at the beginning of the second chapter.)
Eye Color (include adjectives): "soft green eyes". (Her eyes get brought up at least five times in the first two chapters; they're called "soft" twice, "bright" once, and "wide with innocence" another.)
Describe Mary-Sue: As we already know, her name is Dani. She's an 18-year-old, brunette, thin, green-eyed girl with a love for animals and farming, the main reason she decided to take over the Secai Farm at Mineral Village (along with the fact that her dead grandfather once used to maintain it). She has a horrible self-esteem, but she's actually quite beautiful. (No, seriously, the fanfic says so, and states it as a fact... and I quote, "She groaned, thinking that she looked awful; when the truth was that she looked beautiful".)

Oh yeah, and she's 18, brunette, slim, and has green eyes. Dunno if I mentioned that already. It's apparently pretty important, since it gets brought up in the fanfic about fifty-hundred times. Did I mention that she's a slender teen with soft green eyes and brown hair?

Annoying Origin: The city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Twelve years prior to the time the fanfic takes place, she used to play with all the other girls in the village. Oh, and she likes... drumroll, please... CLIFF.
Other Annoying Traits: She's 18, brunette, thin, and green-eyed.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Little Miss Dani doesn't exactly give you a very good first impression in the first chapter; she's a sarcastic bitch to her family members for no apparent reason (none that are listed, anyway), even to her brother, who is sincerely worried for her. Yet, throughout the first few chapters, she consistently expresses bewilderment over the hostility that a select few villagers -- specifically Karen -- apparently have with her. Well golly, I can't imagine why! The only villager she manages to get a good response out of is Cliff, who almost immediately manages to bring up the fact that her beauty "stunned" him when he first saw her. In fact, they spend a good portion of the 7th chapter flirting their brains out and maintaining that same sort of friendship to the 8th, where the fanfic drastically ends. (Kelai hasn't added a new chapter in over four years.) Anyway, uh, hate to cut it off as abruptly as the end of the fanfic, but that's pretty much the whole premise of the story. So, uh. Y'know. Yeah. :|

New Member... [January 21st, 2011 at 07:33 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

[mood |apatheticapathetic]

Hey, I'm a new member here at a pretty-dead community...

Anyways, I happened across this place and absolutely loved it as I have crossed paths with many horrible Harvest Moon Mary-Sue stories before. I decided to start with a relatively short and simple story as it was one of the first ones I found (unfortunetly, I didn't keep track of all of those hundreds of other bad stories). Though, it isn't finished.

Story Or Series Title: Chelsea ,and a cheesy title! (nice.)
Culprit Author's Name: hey75123
Summary: Well, Chelsea likes the new boy: Will! ,and I added a bunch of new festivals which I think would be cool!
Link: www.fanfiction.net/s/6666192/1/Chelsea_and_a_cheesy_title

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chelsea ",and a cheesy title"
Hair Color (include adjectives): brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue (Thankfully, the author neglects spending paragraphs upon paragraphs telling the readers things they already know)
Describe Mary-Sue: Her habits involve talking in all caps and having internal conversations with the author after freaking out about her appearance.
Annoying Origin: Not mentioned
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Chelsea decides to make it her life mission to court Will after finding "him to be a(n) extremely cute blonde boy". Apparently, she feels sympathy for him since he was told to marry a pretty girl. Now he's fallen madly in love with her.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Yeah, not much for my first post...but I tried.Collapse )

It's so difficult being a Mary-Sue! [May 17th, 2010 at 12:03 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Story Or Series Title: The People I love.
Culprit Author's Name: Verity Duffield.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Claire.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "blond hair [that] shone in the sun's blinding rays".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "sparkling blue eys".
Describe Mary-Sue: Her name is Claire. Despite the fact that every single eligible bachelor in Mineral Town is madly in love with her, she seems sort of void of any personality whatsoever. At the beginning of the second chapter, she even complains about all of that male attention. Golly, poor Mary-Sue, it must be so hard being her. At least she makes sure to mention all of the wonderful things about each bachelor, just so that anybody happening to read her life will ignore the fact that she lacks any sort of character and will go, "Wow, what a great person, no wonder why all of these guys love her so much!"

Annoying Origin: It doesn't say.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: It almost seems as though, in the third chapter, she's going to hook up with Gray. Oh GREAT, you're thinking, of course she'd choose HIM or Cliff or something. Except - oh wait? She's a LESBIAN? And she's in love with Mary?! Oh wow, that's actually kind of ho- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. SEE?! See what I mean about how she makes you TRY to like her?!
Other Annoying Traits: At the very end of the chapter, after Claire rejects all of the men who loved her so dearly, she claims "she hadnt looked back". Jeez, what a bitch.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

1) All of the first chapter.
2) The first paragraph of the second chapter.
3) The final sentence of the third chapter.

Love at first sight gone crazy! . . . ZOMG [March 28th, 2010 at 01:13 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

[mood |blahblah]

The stories Summary "Chelsea and Doctor Tim meet each other and instantly fall in love. What will happen? Find out! Sorry for the lame title."

I had to add a category come on your flat out telling people your story lacks character development and substance off the bat.

Story Or Series Title:
Love at first sight gone crazy. Yeah Poetry ain't it?

 Author's Name:
Because she's got a real imagination and  probably twelve.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Chelsea.
Just saying it makes makes Doctor, Yeah Doctor blush and admit on the spot how pretty it is.

Hair Color (include adjectives):
Brown. Yay! Lush details!

Eye Color (include adjectives):
Yay! No details!

Unusual Markings/Coloration:
A perminint blush whenever someone of the opposite sex complements her.

Special Possessions (if any):

A hat full of OC names she keeps throwing at the readers.

Annoying Origin: Whatever half baked Natsume plot they gave her.

Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Traditional Mary-Sue everyone loves her. Her character isn't developed at all but if you'd like me to go into detail about how mysterious Doctors eyes are I can.

Annoying Special Abilities:

Other Annoying Traits:
Other people keep telling her its time to sheer her sheep and other farm tasks she should really be keeping tabs on herself.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Tim blushed a little.
"...No problem..." He said.

Then he walked out the door.

When he left Chelsea sighed dreamily.

"Lanna...I think I like him!" Chelsea said.

Lanna giggled. <- tehe, girls can like boys~

"Yeah, that was pretty easy to see!" Lanna said.

Chelsea smiled.

"I wonder if he likes me..." Chelsea said as she started thinking. <- Aww, she can think : D

Lanna sighed.

"Probably not, he just met you!" Lanna said as she frowned.

Chelsea frowned too. <- lol she realized how silly the story is here.

"Your right...oh well." Chelsea said. <- she's gonna get him in the sack anyway

Then the two walked out the door.

The stories not that bad. I guess.
At least its not in script forum.



Revival. [August 10th, 2009 at 07:10 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Hey, let's revive the place, shall we? Since it's, uh, been almost a year since the last update. (I blame all of you members and lurkers - YES, YOU - for not posting. S'not my fault at all.)

Story Or Series Title: Confused Bliss.
Culprit Author's Name: hroondeel.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Shelly. Or, as the fanfic would have it put, "'My name is Shelly!' I chirped happily in introduction."
Hair Color (include adjectives): Can't really say that the story gives any sort of description. But just because I like to assume, I'll say blonde.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Describe Mary-Sue: Her name is Shelly. Despite wanting to "escape/To run far away/And be anywhere but here", she's awfully cheerful, as you'll blatantly find out after about two chapters when the author sprinkles words such as "chirped" and "skipping happily" and "cheerily" to describe Shelly's personality (or lack thereof). She also names her dog Gary, which, if you ignore the fact that she didn't name him something like "Spot" or "Lucky", sounds an awful lot like Gray, the guy she actually ends up trying to woo. Somewhere in the second chapter, after having found Gray sulking because he couldn't go to the festival, she drags him there anyway. Then, makes a scene of herself while standing up to Saibara (who seems completely OOC, as he takes out a stick - which I presumed was to beat Gray - right in the middle of the festival) by taking out... a paper blower. (???) And somewhere in the fourth chapter, it switches to Mary's POV for a little bit, and she mentions Shelly and how she's afraid Gray will fall in love with Shelly instead of her.

Annoying Origin: The city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Well, it's quite clear that there's a spark there for Gray.
Other Annoying Traits: Aside from the fact that she's insanely cheerful to the point where it annoys an optimist such as myself? Or that she tries oh-so-desperately to try to win Gray's heart despite not knowing him? Or that she doesn't really experience any major problems throughout the story whatsoever? Oh... nothing.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Well, I think I explained just about everything, to be honest. But don't try to convince Ms. Hroondeel that Shelly is a Mary-Sue; she disagrees. And I quote, "I have something planned out for Shelly…and you’ll realize she’s far from a mary-sue."

Keep telling yourself that, hroondeel.

Self-Insert. [September 16th, 2008 at 11:43 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Story Or Series Title: No Ordinary Teen Life.
Culprit Author's Name: Hollie-Dollie.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hollie. (Notice how it's exactly the same as the author's name?)
Hair Color (include adjectives): "...long brunette hair that hung down to my waist".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "the mysterious look in her hazel eyes".
Describe Mary-Sue: Her name is Hollie, as has already been mentioned. She's fourteen years old, and on her fourteenth birthday, her parents died tragically in a car accident. Thus, she decided she would take over the farm that "her father had bought when she was a baby". She's also a fantastic singer, but she's never taken lessons.

Annoying Origin: It doesn't say. However, from the looks of her profile (and from the fact that the protagonist of the story and the author are both 14 and named Hollie), I'm going to guess she's from the UK.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Phantom Skye, the thief, seems to have a thing for her. Of course, I've never played "Harvest Moon DS: Cute" before (and I don't really have any intention to), so I have no idea what his personality is like. But something about this snippet right here doesn't really seem like harmless flirting: "...it was none other than the girl I saw at the mansion. As much as I hate to admit, she is still beautiful in slumber as when I saw her stood at the fountain. I don’t know why, but she’s amazingly cute. Perhaps it’s her slim and petite figure, or her kind looking face, or even the mysterious look in her hazel eyes I saw only an hour ago. It didn’t matter why she captivated me so, the fact is she does and I don’t know if this is a good thing."
Other Annoying Traits: Already, she has written about PHANTOM SKYE, of all people, in her diary, and it's her first day on the farm. And already, Phantom Skye, of all people, seems to have taken a shine to her.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Hollie's tragic past.Collapse )

'[I've never had lessons], but I’ve entered singing competitions. My parents pushed me into competing.'Collapse )

Mary says this after having said, literally, twelve words to Hollie.Collapse )

'I’m sure you’ll make [the farm] a success, even though I have no idea who you are, nor do I know anything about you.'Collapse )

'Wow Hollie, not only can you sing like an angel, you can cook like a professional'.Collapse )

Phantom Skye sounds like a Gary-Stu...Collapse )

Creepy.Collapse )

All in all, a wonderfully-written fanfic, especially by a fourteen-year-old. I mean, I know I could never have written that well at that age. But, unfortunately, it is an obvious self-insert Mary-Sue, quite possibly one of the worst kinds of Mary-Sue you can find. (Next to those ones where the writer and all of her friends get sucked into the video game and fall in love with the hawt guyz omfg.) D:

(no subject) [April 16th, 2008 at 12:47 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!


I was, utterly shocked. D:
It's a Fall Out Boy slash Harvest Moon crossover.
I wonder how that works. Seriously.

Story Or Series Title: Hemingway
Culprit Author's Name: xXHeartxxBrokenXx  Their pen name makes me want to kill myself.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hailey.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, black hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Hazel eyes.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None that I know of.
Special Possessions (if any): She's bitchy, moody, and thinks the world's against her in the opening chapter. Plus, she's now an "orphen."

Annoying Origin: From the city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: No idea yet. In the "preview" on the fanfic, it says she meets the man of her dreams... but it gives no explanation as to who.
Annoying Special Abilities: SHE FAILS AT LIFE.
Other Annoying Traits: She is just "amazing" in the eyes of Pete Wentz.



Bashing My Own Fic. Again. [August 3rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Story Or Series Title: CinderElli.
Culprit Author's Name: Fairy Friend (aka, myself).

Full Name (plus titles if any): Elli.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brown, you all know Elli.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Describe Mary-Sue: It's Elli, from Harvest Moon 64, and Jack Harvest, the farmer from said game. However, as far as Mary-Sues or Gary-Stus are concerned, Elli is definitely the lesser of two evils. She may not be your typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed whore, but he's got every girl in town swooning over her. She works at the bakery with her boyfriend, Jeff, and her grandmother, Ellen. Jack runs a farm... quite handsomely, if I might add. However, things at the bakery aren't so good... because Karen, the village bitch, steps in and starts ordering around. Eventually, poor, emo Elli can't take all the stress and she goes into her room to cry. Her life seems to take on somewhat of a "Cinderella" role, with Karen as the "evil stepsister", and newcomer Jack Harvest as the prince. Jack just continues to farm.... *swoon*

Annoying Origin: Mineral Village.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Elli's Jeff's girlfriend, but later on, she sees Jack.
Other Annoying Traits: Elli's not far behind from Karen on the bitch-o-meter.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:


Whatever happened to 'We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone'?Collapse )

Pastor Brown goes crazy; meanwhile, supposedly, Mineral Village is planning to throw a ball.Collapse )

The way Jack arrives at the beach makes him sound as though he's some type of superhero.Collapse )

She hasn't even TALKED to him at this point!Collapse )

What? Popuri's now in love with him too?!Collapse )

That's hot.Collapse )

Sora's "Sequal" [July 31st, 2007 at 11:42 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

[Tags|, ]

Story Or Series Title: Sora Forever.
Culprit Author's Name: DeadlyMaidenTsuki.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Sora Koryie *also bitches about the pseudoJapanese last name*
Hair Color (include adjectives): Doesn't say. It probably says in her "Movie" or in her first story with Sora, but I'm not going to bother to check.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Read above.
Describe Mary-Sue: It's Sora Koryie. You know, the character we all loved from "Enter Sora: The Girl With A Secret". Apparently now, she's Cliff's girlfriend. And she also knows karate.

Annoying Origin: The city?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's in wuv wif Cwiffie, teh hawtest guy in Mineral Village.
Other Annoying Traits: When she gets angry, she develops fangs and her eyes turn red.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Okay, bullet point number one: this writer cannot spell for SHIT. (Let's just ignore the fact that the writer spells "sequal" incorrectly many, many times.)

- "Sora walked tiredly over to the couch, and perpously flopped right ontop of Cliff." (I think maybe she spelled that wrong on perpous.)

- ""Why do you get si much heavier when you sleep?" He asked the air, as he tried to lift her." (I don't know! That's si weird.)

- ""She...She...She drueled on me..." He stuttered looking at the druel on his pants." (I just hate it when people druel on me.)

Also, notice how the author practically goes out of her way to make Sora as Mary-Sueish as possible.

- "I started practicing my martial arts, karate to be more exact, sure I was a black belt, but I had to keep my figure somehow." (Because, y'know, she's gonna have to use her karate skills - her BLACK BELT skills, even - sometime. And it's not like farming wouldn't help with "keeping her figure" either.)

- "Working on the famr helped my arm muscels, but karate helped the rest of me." (Clearly, this girl has no idea what it'd be like to work on a "famr".)

And if that isn't bad enough, the story seems to rush faster than any story I've ever read, without the exception of excruciating detail.

- "After a half hour, I finished, sweaty and tired I got a cup of water and sat on the couch. I chuged the water, and relaxed for a bit. I fell asleep about five minutes later... I woke up two hours later. I stood up and trudged to the bathroom. I almost had enough money for the second extention. I took a long hot bath... Then fell asleep again, well, after I got out of the bath." (Wow, makes you feel like you're part of the story, no?)

Oh, and I just LOVE how the author makes sure to include authors notes like, right in the middle of the story.

- ""Then next time I'll put it in my pants!" I said creepily.

Well, there we go. Ha, I bet you thought I was ending the chapter. Nope, just changing the date... It's the next day, and Sora's at the beach now..."
(With an abrupt ending like that, and not to mention that the scrollbar wasn't all the way to the bottom? No, not really.)

- "Sora layed motionless...Kinda like a dead squirrel,(Thank you PacificTwist for teaching me how to spell squirrel!) except she was snoring..." (You had to have someone tell you how to spell squirrel? And you had to include the author note in the middle of the story?)

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, but that's not the best part yet. Seriously, I think I about peed my pants when I saw this, waiting for me at the very end of the first chapter:

- "I think I did very nice with the first chapter... It rawks..." (We're so modest!)

...*stifles laughter*

Oh yeah, that was all in the first chapter too.

Hello~ [July 29th, 2007 at 12:48 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

Hello! I've been lurking around this place for a while and now I'm a member! :) I'll try my best to help with the Sue-slaying.

Story Or Series Title: Starting Over
Culprit Author's Name: HmGirly12

Full Name (plus titles if any): "Miss Jill Smith" How original.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Assumed blonde.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Assumed blue.
Describe Mary-Sue:  A city-girl who's trying to get used to farm life and owns some makeup.

Annoying Origin: She has makeup and a mobile phone. Almost certain it's the city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Gray starts falling for her after one conversation. And in one day, she already made enemies with Popuri, Mary, and Karen.
Other Annoying Traits: "Jill racked her brain for something to say. Anything! 'Uh, I did Japanese in year nine!'"

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

I'll include the worst of Ch. 2, just for torture.


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