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Sora's "Sequal" [July 31st, 2007 at 11:42 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

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[keira_magdalena]
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Story Or Series Title: Sora Forever.
Culprit Author's Name: DeadlyMaidenTsuki.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Sora Koryie *also bitches about the pseudoJapanese last name*
Hair Color (include adjectives): Doesn't say. It probably says in her "Movie" or in her first story with Sora, but I'm not going to bother to check.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Read above.
Describe Mary-Sue: It's Sora Koryie. You know, the character we all loved from "Enter Sora: The Girl With A Secret". Apparently now, she's Cliff's girlfriend. And she also knows karate.

Annoying Origin: The city?
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: She's in wuv wif Cwiffie, teh hawtest guy in Mineral Village.
Other Annoying Traits: When she gets angry, she develops fangs and her eyes turn red.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Okay, bullet point number one: this writer cannot spell for SHIT. (Let's just ignore the fact that the writer spells "sequal" incorrectly many, many times.)

- "Sora walked tiredly over to the couch, and perpously flopped right ontop of Cliff." (I think maybe she spelled that wrong on perpous.)

- ""Why do you get si much heavier when you sleep?" He asked the air, as he tried to lift her." (I don't know! That's si weird.)

- ""She...She...She drueled on me..." He stuttered looking at the druel on his pants." (I just hate it when people druel on me.)

Also, notice how the author practically goes out of her way to make Sora as Mary-Sueish as possible.

- "I started practicing my martial arts, karate to be more exact, sure I was a black belt, but I had to keep my figure somehow." (Because, y'know, she's gonna have to use her karate skills - her BLACK BELT skills, even - sometime. And it's not like farming wouldn't help with "keeping her figure" either.)

- "Working on the famr helped my arm muscels, but karate helped the rest of me." (Clearly, this girl has no idea what it'd be like to work on a "famr".)

And if that isn't bad enough, the story seems to rush faster than any story I've ever read, without the exception of excruciating detail.

- "After a half hour, I finished, sweaty and tired I got a cup of water and sat on the couch. I chuged the water, and relaxed for a bit. I fell asleep about five minutes later... I woke up two hours later. I stood up and trudged to the bathroom. I almost had enough money for the second extention. I took a long hot bath... Then fell asleep again, well, after I got out of the bath." (Wow, makes you feel like you're part of the story, no?)

Oh, and I just LOVE how the author makes sure to include authors notes like, right in the middle of the story.

- ""Then next time I'll put it in my pants!" I said creepily.

Well, there we go. Ha, I bet you thought I was ending the chapter. Nope, just changing the date... It's the next day, and Sora's at the beach now..."
(With an abrupt ending like that, and not to mention that the scrollbar wasn't all the way to the bottom? No, not really.)

- "Sora layed motionless...Kinda like a dead squirrel,(Thank you PacificTwist for teaching me how to spell squirrel!) except she was snoring..." (You had to have someone tell you how to spell squirrel? And you had to include the author note in the middle of the story?)

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, but that's not the best part yet. Seriously, I think I about peed my pants when I saw this, waiting for me at the very end of the first chapter:

- "I think I did very nice with the first chapter... It rawks..." (We're so modest!)

...*stifles laughter*

Oh yeah, that was all in the first chapter too.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: hikari_26
2007-07-31 08:22 pm (UTC)
I can definitely see her fighting off any girls who tries to take Cliff.

"*hisses* Get off my man, bee-otch! >:O" Except with bad spelling.
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[User Picture]From: rhianwen_24601
2007-07-31 09:34 pm (UTC)
Yet what do you want to bet that she regularly describes Ann as a jealous ho-bag who's too possessive of Cliff? O.o

*lightbulb*

Oh my God, I think I figured it out! When an author writes one of the Mineral Town girls going inexplicably insane with jealousy, that's the true self-insert! She knows she'd react that way, so now Ann, or Elli, or Mary also reacts that way! Maybe she thinks that her overdeveloped possessive muscle really deserves some air time, but Mary Sue never gets a chance to be jealous or possessive, because from the second she shows up, men forget their own names, never to speak of their girlfriends'. Soooo, the author just foists her own possessiveness issues off onto the Mineral Town girls in a series of paaaaaaaainfully OOC nightmares.

Fanloon psychology: failure in the making. XD
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[User Picture]From: keira_magdalena
2007-08-01 05:07 am (UTC)
Haha, wow, I think I skimmed this story, because I just found the BEST THING EVER THAT I DIDN'T NOTICE BEFORE:

""I didn't know a fairy was coming in today." I said to myself walking down the stairs."

^ Note that, when I read the above sentence, I thought she was talking about the mythical creature. But then I read on:

"The fairy docked up. I stared to see who would come off the boat... At first no one came off, but then... I saw someone step off.""


Um, dear? I think you mean the FERRY? *headdesk*
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[User Picture]From: rhianwen_24601
2007-08-01 05:26 pm (UTC)
*giggle* I have a sneaking sympathy for the ferry/fairy confusion, because up until last year, I really thought that Fairyland was a common name for Newfoundland. I knew that you needed to take a ferry to get there, and that there are about a trillion folk songs about trips on said ferries, but the possibility of Ferryland never occurred to me. Nope, in my mind it was Fairyland. I don't know; I guess I thought it was originally meant as some anti-Newfoundland slur, until the Newfoundlanders appropriated it and held it up as a symbol of pride and empowerment.

It also bears mentioning that I'd been taking a Literary Theory class, focus on feminist theory, at the time. ^_^;;

Anyway, it is kind of funny to imagine someone stepping off of a fairy. I guess that fist fight didn't go quite as Tinkerbell had hoped... :(
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From: quinatorte
2008-02-17 11:05 am (UTC)
Maybe a flaming homosexual docked up at Mineral Town.
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From: (Anonymous)
2008-12-28 01:01 am (UTC)

Boring marysue...YAWN.

You know what I'd like to see? Is if someone actually made a Sue with possesive issues. I find it hard to believe that the self-insert is based off of the author; someone who spells that bad wouldn't be able to fill out the forms needed to be accepted into a karate class.

Not that I'm saying girls can't fight, but seeing this 'spelling'; if that's what you can really can it; makes you think twice about believing that this suethor actually takes karate classes in real life. This girl REALLY needs a beta reader.

(Although I think the beta reader might explode because of the many grammar mistakes and misspellings....)
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From: (Anonymous)
2008-12-28 01:02 am (UTC)

Re: Boring marysue...YAWN.

*If that's what you can really CALL it.* Sorry, I needed to fix that mistake.
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From: quinatorte
2008-02-17 11:08 am (UTC)
Sora layed motionless...Kinda like a dead squirrel

Sexy.

"Then next time I'll put it in my pants!" I said creepily.

CRIKEY.

Sora walked tiredly over to the couch, and perpously flopped right ontop of Cliff.

WHORE. Plus, I keep picturing Sora from Kingdom Hearts. That's not right.

When she gets angry, she develops fangs and her eyes turn red.

Apparently Sora is Satan.
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