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I was, utterly shocked. D: It's a Fall Out Boy slash Harvest Moon… - The ANTI Harvest Moon Mary-Sues Community! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

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[April 16th, 2008 at 12:47 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

hm_marysues

[kanbisenshi]

I was, utterly shocked. D:
It's a Fall Out Boy slash Harvest Moon crossover.
I wonder how that works. Seriously.

Story Or Series Title: Hemingway
Culprit Author's Name: xXHeartxxBrokenXx  Their pen name makes me want to kill myself.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Hailey.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, black hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Hazel eyes.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None that I know of.
Special Possessions (if any): She's bitchy, moody, and thinks the world's against her in the opening chapter. Plus, she's now an "orphen."

Annoying Origin: From the city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: No idea yet. In the "preview" on the fanfic, it says she meets the man of her dreams... but it gives no explanation as to who.
Annoying Special Abilities: SHE FAILS AT LIFE.
Other Annoying Traits: She is just "amazing" in the eyes of Pete Wentz.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

CHAPTER ONE:


she picked up the alarm clock and threw it against the wall. She stood herself up and walked down the hall to the bathroom, slammed the door, put her back against the door and slid to the floor. She slammed her head against the wood and began to cry. "Hailey what the fuck are you doing wrong!' she screamed at herself.

She stood herself up and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands

she pulled down her way too short night gown that was creepin up there and smirked

She gets a letter from Takakura saying that her dad died and she needs to take over the farm. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

"Great, fucking great." she set the letter next to her on the bed and stood up "You hate me don't you!" she screamed at the ceiling and began to cry again. She picked up the chair in the corner and slamed it against the wall breaking it into 4 peices. "You took away the only thing that ever matterd!" she sat on the floor and continued to cry. After she put herself back together she decided to re-read the letter. "I guess I have no where else to go." she whispered to herself and picked up the phone and dialed the number written on the paper.

1) She is emotionally stressed. She picks up her alarm clock, throws it, then she cries. So, apparently, we've got an emo heroine here.
2) With the heels of her hands? What kind of god damn hands does she have?
3) She thinks it's amusing when her slutty little night gown magically moves up her body. Ugh.
4) More emo-angstyness. She throws a chair into the wall? Jesus, she's messed up.
5) This person can't spell. Matterd, slamed, peices.

CHAPTER TWO:

She finds a mysterious dog named Hemingway. Wow. Plus, the dog makes inappropriate noises.

"Ah-ROOF!" Hemingway licked Hailey's face a couple times waking her up.

"ARF!" he barked and licked the floor trying to get any waffle remains.


"Are you gonna get some seeds or throw a family reunion?"

"Oh right" She walked off the farm Hemingway right by her side and walked over to the bridge "OWE what the fuck." she had a rock trown at her head. She ran her hands trew her hair and continued her walk across the tiny bridge ignoering the constant pain she was now having in her head.

"AROOF" Hemingway whined and went in front of Hailey terrifyed.

"OHHHH it's so nice to finally meet you! You look just like your father!" the fat woman giggled."I've heard so much about YOU!" Hailey looked discusted she smelt lik she hadn't bathed in weeks.

"Parden her." a soft voice said and a small girl not to much older than Hailey came from behaind the big woman "I'm Celia and this is Vesta now what can we help you with."

"Well i'm looking for some seeds im thinking a banna tree and 4-5 tomatos should be good""That'll be 600 gold" Vesta looked proud of Celia.

Hailey was finally happy

for now that is...

1) This just gets worse and worse, but gasp! Paragraphs are starting to form now! Anyways.
2) The dog's inappropriate noises. Like 'arf'. Um, that's a seal.
3) She got a rock trown at her head? How random.
4) The defamation on Vesta? How the hell does she know that Vesta hasn't bathed in weeks? Although on the bright side, Celia did rip off Hailey big time. Ha. Four to five tomato seeds and a "banna" tree could never, ever cost 600g. Well, at least Vesta and Celia got 330g more than they were supposed to get from her. This Hailey can't speak proper English, plus she sucks at math. Stay in school kids, or you'll end up writing "discusting" HM fanfics.

CHAPTER THREE:

The sad little emo girl thinks that life is starting to look for her. She's got a dog, she's been ripped off by produce farmers, and she's an "orphen". But still, that doesn't seem so bad when you're going to meet FOB eventually?

"Here." she giggled and grabed the box of cearl and dumped some more on the ground

"ARF ARF"

"Uhmm uhhh" the man standing at the door was
'beatutiful' in a manly kinda way but lost his train of thought when he saw Hailey at the door way, he thought she was amazing his mind just kinda colapsed when they they made eye contact and Hailey had no idea what she was feeling she had butterflys in her stomach and her heart was beating 5 times faster than normal.

"Ta-Takak-Takakura said you ha-have my dog.?"

"Hemingway!" Hailey said pulling herself out of her emotions

"Yeah a white bulldog with brown spots"

"Ye-yeah he ran away on one of our walks." he smirked "and by the way the name's P-Pete"

"I-I'm Hailey"

"Well can I see Hemingway.?"

"I missed you to" he laugh "Well i need to go now the boys are probably woundering where im at if you ne-need anything I'll...I'll be at the Inn"

"Okay hold on one second," Pete looked confuessed but watched as Hailey grabbed a peice of paper and wrote down her phone number then handed the paper to Pete "If...If it's okay with you... and well you don't mind... ca-can you guys come vist me sometime?" Pete's heart dropped and he smiled

"Wow i've never felt so happy yet so sad in my whole life." tears fell down her cheek but she couldn't stop smiling. "God damn i'll miss that dog... but that Pete guy why do I feel like I need to see him. What was that feeling I got" She layed on her bed and looked at the ceiling "I think I'm in." she layed silent for a minute "No it couldn't be.

Then, it switches to Pete's point of view for some demented reason.

"Some farm girl named Hailey had him." Pete's smile grew when he said her name and he blushed a little.

"Looks like Pete has a crush!" Patrick smirked

"Yeah I just feel weird I dunno but something in me wants to call her right now." He looked up with the same love struck smile.

"Well do it." Patrick handed him his cell phone

"What do i say... What if she doesnt answer." He looked at the phone.

"Youll be fine. Just do it" Andy reashured

"Okay." Pete opended the paper and began to dial number.

1) Mmm, nothing better than starting out your day with a bowl of cearl. Plus, there's something called a dog bowl. D:
2) More inappropriate dog noises. Sigh.
3) Hailey and Peter have sweet sweet eye intercourse. They keep stuttering for some reason in each other's presence. I felt very awkward reading that portion.
4) Also, Peter thinks that Hailey is like, omg so amazing. Plus, he knows Takakura. In what twisted dimension would allow that to happen? I can just image Takakura at a FOB concert dancing with some underage punk rock emo thing.
5) ROFLMAO. Hailey cries because she met a guy (I don't even think she knows he's famous), and goes, OMG LIFE IS OWESOME.
6) I knew something was up with all of that stuttering. Peter's heart dropped, and he smiled. He must have some genetic disease or something. But, if that happened to me, I wouldn't be smiling. I'd be pretty much dead. Proof that Pete Wentz is a zombie/vampire thing? Maybe.
7) The story switches to Pete's point of view. I had completely forgotten for a second that this was based on Harvest Moon solely on this chapter alone.
7) Pete JUST came back from her house, and he wants to call her. The Inn and the farm are like a minute away from each other. LIKE OMG I NEED TO CALL HER.

I'm stopping here. I can't take any more of this rotting sack of garbage, no offense to the writer. I suspect that she may be some twelve year old girl in love with Pete Wentz, listens to those other emo punk bands, cuts herself to look cool, and just happens to be a Harvest Moon player. Sigh. I've seen better in a four year old.



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Comments:
[User Picture]From: hikari_26
2008-04-16 10:13 pm (UTC)
Oh... God... D:

I feel sorry for Fall Out Boy, being put into this.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: natashacrane
2008-07-29 06:43 pm (UTC)
"She is just amazing in the eyes of Pete Wentz..." Yeah, and aparently, so is Ashley Simpson. Oh snap...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: keira_magdalena
2008-09-18 07:16 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. Not only is this a Fall Out Boy crossover with HM, I just learned that it's also a self-insert. D: Is it just me, or are more and more of the Mary-Sues self-inserts?! I mean, I guess I understand that there are kids who have huge crushes on the characters and whatnot (I was a huuuuuuuge Cliff fan, and currently Rick is my favorite bachelor), but you could at least get a little creative and make a Mary-Sue that isn't so blatantly obvious that it's YOU! *shrugs* I dunno.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: thejewishmuffin
2009-11-14 05:40 pm (UTC)
So many lulz
(Reply) (Thread)