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The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!

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Revival. [August 10th, 2009 at 07:10 pm]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!


Hey, let's revive the place, shall we? Since it's, uh, been almost a year since the last update. (I blame all of you members and lurkers - YES, YOU - for not posting. S'not my fault at all.)

Story Or Series Title: Confused Bliss.
Culprit Author's Name: hroondeel.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Shelly. Or, as the fanfic would have it put, "'My name is Shelly!' I chirped happily in introduction."
Hair Color (include adjectives): Can't really say that the story gives any sort of description. But just because I like to assume, I'll say blonde.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Describe Mary-Sue: Her name is Shelly. Despite wanting to "escape/To run far away/And be anywhere but here", she's awfully cheerful, as you'll blatantly find out after about two chapters when the author sprinkles words such as "chirped" and "skipping happily" and "cheerily" to describe Shelly's personality (or lack thereof). She also names her dog Gary, which, if you ignore the fact that she didn't name him something like "Spot" or "Lucky", sounds an awful lot like Gray, the guy she actually ends up trying to woo. Somewhere in the second chapter, after having found Gray sulking because he couldn't go to the festival, she drags him there anyway. Then, makes a scene of herself while standing up to Saibara (who seems completely OOC, as he takes out a stick - which I presumed was to beat Gray - right in the middle of the festival) by taking out... a paper blower. (???) And somewhere in the fourth chapter, it switches to Mary's POV for a little bit, and she mentions Shelly and how she's afraid Gray will fall in love with Shelly instead of her.

Annoying Origin: The city.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Well, it's quite clear that there's a spark there for Gray.
Other Annoying Traits: Aside from the fact that she's insanely cheerful to the point where it annoys an optimist such as myself? Or that she tries oh-so-desperately to try to win Gray's heart despite not knowing him? Or that she doesn't really experience any major problems throughout the story whatsoever? Oh... nothing.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Well, I think I explained just about everything, to be honest. But don't try to convince Ms. Hroondeel that Shelly is a Mary-Sue; she disagrees. And I quote, "I have something planned out for Shelly…and you’ll realize she’s far from a mary-sue."

Keep telling yourself that, hroondeel.

[User Picture]From: xenternameherex
2010-03-26 04:02 am (UTC)


If the author admits at any time there character is a a Mary-Sue the delete buttons right there, that's all I'm saying.

Why are the names Shelly and Hailey seem to be getting popular for Harvest Moon fan fictions? I'd just stick to the default name or Jill.

In the authors defense *twitches* I guess the character you play as is always been mind numbingly optimistic and upbeat, I mean by HM logic the only way to get someone to care about you is to shower them with gifts and only speak when your saying exactly what they want.

So by game logic Shellys believable but if your writing a story and the main characters your protagonist you need to flesh them out more to make them believable and not just cotton candy crap. (that dog thing is just creepy.)

In summary fail :D

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