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It's so difficult being a Mary-Sue! [May 17th, 2010 at 12:03 am]
The HMMS... slaying Sues since 1996!


Story Or Series Title: The People I love.
Culprit Author's Name: Verity Duffield.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Claire.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "blond hair [that] shone in the sun's blinding rays".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "sparkling blue eys".
Describe Mary-Sue: Her name is Claire. Despite the fact that every single eligible bachelor in Mineral Town is madly in love with her, she seems sort of void of any personality whatsoever. At the beginning of the second chapter, she even complains about all of that male attention. Golly, poor Mary-Sue, it must be so hard being her. At least she makes sure to mention all of the wonderful things about each bachelor, just so that anybody happening to read her life will ignore the fact that she lacks any sort of character and will go, "Wow, what a great person, no wonder why all of these guys love her so much!"

Annoying Origin: It doesn't say.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: It almost seems as though, in the third chapter, she's going to hook up with Gray. Oh GREAT, you're thinking, of course she'd choose HIM or Cliff or something. Except - oh wait? She's a LESBIAN? And she's in love with Mary?! Oh wow, that's actually kind of ho- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. SEE?! See what I mean about how she makes you TRY to like her?!
Other Annoying Traits: At the very end of the chapter, after Claire rejects all of the men who loved her so dearly, she claims "she hadnt looked back". Jeez, what a bitch.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

1) All of the first chapter.
2) The first paragraph of the second chapter.
3) The final sentence of the third chapter.

[User Picture]From: xenternameherex
2010-07-07 08:51 pm (UTC)
The first thing I noticed was the consent POV switching.

Yes, yes just tell us what everyone's thinking all the time to destroy all mystery of how people feel or how your story's gonna work out. *face palm*

That lesbian thing that's one lesser used in the Mary-Sue world.
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